Friday, December 15, 2006

Questions I'm Embarrassed to Ask

How DOES the Dewey Decimal system work? I've never been able to figure it out.

What the hell is a Eurodollar, anyway, and why would someone trade it?
(The obviously related follow-up question is what the hell is a porkbelly?)

Do people really buy those $800 handbags they sell at Saks? I mean real people. Those who live in Burpingham?

What are the rules for hyphenating last names? I mean, I know David and I could be the Lewis-Smiths, but I'm the only one who is really a Lewis-Smith. David's just a Smith, even though his middle name is Louis. Is that correct? In America? Cause I know it isn't in England. But I don't care.

What is the correct way to scramble an egg? I can scramble eggs, but I don't think I do it correctly.

Am I really supposed to tip the mailman at Christmas?

Whew. I feel better just owning-up to all the things that I don't know.

Oh, I thought of one more:

Does the Ghost Whisperer come on tonight? (Or, the Boobie Whisperer, which is what I call it. That hour on Friday nights is the only time you will ever hear me say to my husband "Will you LOOK at her boobies hanging out of that top!")


Anonymous said...

I don't know what a Eurodollar is, but I think we'd better find out. Yes, real people buy those handbags, but they're not anyone we would want to associate with, Sister! The rules for hyphenating last names is that there are no rules. Technically you are a Lewis Smith with no hyphen and your husband is Louis Smith with no hyphen. If you don't know how to scramble eggs, ask Daddy. His are the best! No, don't tip the mailman. He or she is not allowed to accept cash. And technically, speaking of all that feminist hooey, you have a mail carrier. You should leave him or her some of the 10 tons of cookies we made over the weekend. (My feet still hurt!)

Anonymous said...

I worked at a library for 3 years, but we used the Library of Congress system, so I can't tell you about that one. But I can tell you how to scramble eggs ... I learned it watching my favorite television station of all time, The Food Network. We'll chat.

susan said...

Hey Sister! My feet hurt too and I have WAY TOO MANY COOKIES. I think my main attraction to the hyphen is that it makes people take you seriously when you say your name is Lewis Smith. Otherwise,people just call you Smith and I find that offensive actually. I mean, if I ask you to call me Doo Doo Poo Poo Head, you should. Don't you think? So, that's why I hyphen. Some of my legal documents are Lewis Smith and some are Lewis-Smith.
Daddy does make good scrambled eggs. He's allowed to cook one night a week I think. :-)

Amanda, I want to know about the Library of Congress System, too.


Jason Harmon said...

Amanda might know a way to scramble eggs, but I have 10 weeks experience in harsh egg scrambling environment... the busiest Waffle House in the universe... so I know the Waffle House Way to scramble eggs. However, it requires lo-melt, which commoners are not allowed to purchase.

and Im not sure what night the boobie whisperer comes on, but I wish I did. I think its a bold and unusual direction the show has taken. The director and camera operator are true visionaries.

JP said...

Well, I don't have sore feet, but I found A LOT of cookies on my doorstep -- YUM!! Many thanks to the cookie elf.

I could tell you all about the Dewey Decimal System, but then I'd have to kill you. And Dewey's wrong-headed education methods were ment to make good little government-obeying workers out of children, so who wants his system anyway?


susan said...

Jason, do you REALLY? I mean, think the Boobie Whisperer has taken a bold new direction? I'd be interested in hearing more about that. (Or, do you just watch for the boobies?) Is Lo Melt that nasty oil stuff? (That makes the omlettes nice?)

Jen, I agree about Dewey's educational philosophies. I am also not surprised that you know how to use his decimal system. I hope you like the cookies!! Happy Christmas. I hope you had a good time this weekend. I thought of you.


Anonymous said...

UHMMM...Doo Doo Poo Poo head should by hyphenated: Doo-Doo-Poo-Poo head. Take it from a former kindergarten teacher where one learns all they need to know. Didn't I teach you how to scramble eggs?

susan said...

Listen, Woman. It might not be the smartest thing you've ever done to start making fun of ME anonymously on my own blog. I know ALLLL of your secrets. :-)